My Future Could Have Been Affected, Too

Writer’s Note

There have been initiatives to rename special education programs. I use this terminology because it’s the phrase with which I’m most familiar due to it being used during my time in school.

Individualized education plans (IEP) and 504 plans vary by state and district. Transitional 1st (T-1) programs are intended for students who have completed kindergarten but are still socially or educationally unprepared to begin first grade with their peers. It’s a year-long program and is often suggested for students with additional support needs.

My Education Journey

In preschool, my teacher told my parents that I was struggling with academics and with fine motor skills. The remedy for improving the latter, at least, was to place me in occupational therapy. I remember learning how to button a jacket and crab-walking. I was rewarded with lollipops. In kindergarten, I began receiving additional support for academics through a special education teacher. We met one-on-one, multiple times per week.

Transitional First Grade

I remember being sent home with lined sheets of paper with dotted letters name writing practice for home. My mother stated that I only learned how to write my name at five years old because she promised me a Strawberry Shortcake doll if I did so.

Towards the end of kindergarten, my teacher thought I still required extra help with my handwriting, despite my progress in other skills. She suggested to my mom that I start first grade a year later, participating in a T-1 program. T-1 would allow me to remain in one class all day and work with a teacher on an individualized scale. It was eventually decided that I would begin T-1 instead of moving directly into first grade.

Professional photo of a five-year-old girl, smiling in a fairy Halloween costume.
Image courtesy of the writer.

I was upset when I realized that I wouldn’t be moving up to kindergarten with my classmates. The worst part: no longer being in the same class as my best friend. Due to having a February birthday, her birthday being six months earlier, and starting first grade a year later, I was suddenly two grade levels behind her. My younger self wasn’t so happy; my older self knows that the decision wasn’t easy for my mother, and she just wanted what was best for me academically.

After a full academic year in T-1, I finally moved into first grade with an IEP.

IEPs and standardized testing

My IEP included a non-specific math learning disability; an auditory processing disorder would also be noticed once I got older.

Math doesn’t make sense to me, especially when I try to calculate things mentally. Imagine trying to solve a 500-piece puzzle while missing 100 pieces. I’m not unable to solve equations mentally; I just need support like a calculator or a piece of paper to better visualize it. Multiplication and division is a lot more straightforward because of the kinesthetic way it was taught to me.

The math-related learning disability determined the bulk of my IEP; I’d be pulled out of class a few times a week to work on math with a teacher one-on-one. Additional accommodations included clarification on assignments and instructions, preferential seating, extended time on tests and assignments, use of a highlighter on paper copies of schoolwork, and more. Having a paraprofessional in a math class was my norm. By third grade, I began to take standardized tests (SOLs), which I found difficult. Passing SOLs, however, was mandatory for advancement.

Starting in middle school, special education was rechristened resource classes. Same thing, different title. And no matter how much time I spent studying and prepping on my own and with my teachers, I still struggled.

In 9th or 10th grade, I failed my first three attempts on the SOLs. Due to my disability and trying my best every time, an exception was made. I was close to the desired score, so my teachers chose to consider my final score as passing. Without that exception and advocacy, I might not have graduated high school.

Then, COVID happened

The pandemic shut down in-person schooling during my junior year. The future of standardized testing and specialized learning was unknown.

A hybrid learning system was put in place for senior year. School administration considered resource classes too complex to navigate in this environment. Instead, we had “learning coaches” who ensured that we did our classwork on remote days. That was the extent of support. Without access to the resources I needed, I knew my results on the SAT, which I was due to take that year, would be poor.

Miraculously, a COVID consideration was available. Some school districts, including mine, decided that SATs were optional. Many colleges chose to make reporting scores optional as well. Keeping this in mind, I chose not to take the test. It was through this series of events that I managed to receive several acceptance letters from different universities.

The future is uncertain

I know I’m one of the lucky ones. Recent headlines have discussed layoffs and budget cuts to educational programs, including the Individuals with Disabilities Act. Millions of children in schools today rely on these educational programs, like I did. Cutting resource programs like these removes access to opportunities for students, changing the course of their lives. Without those very resources, I don’t think I would be where I am today.

I can’t imagine how children who have to worry about their accommodations and plans being taken away from them feel. There are legal protections surrounding resource classes for students with learning disabilities, but how can we know that the protections will always be guaranteed? For now, the action of removing accessible education has been temporarily reversed. Its long-term future is uncertain, and I worry about what might happen over the next few years.

My only hope is that future students have access to the resources they need to succeed — just like I did.

Image of a person in a cap and gown facing away from the camera.
Image courtesy of MD Duran on Unsplash.

Further Reading

If interested in reading further about resources for students with additional support needs, here are some resources below:

A Guide to the Individualized Education Program

Center for Parent Information & Resources: Paraprofessionals

Ana, Miguel and Life on Hard Mode

Ana met her husband in an infamous Brazilian chatroom, exactly the kind of meet-cute that defines the best love tales of the 21st century.

She was bored. His nickname was DJ_German. The conversation lasted just a few minutes. She was about to log off when he dropped his phone number. No drama, no pushiness.

“I thought… there’s no way I’m calling a stranger! But the next day, I had nothing better to do and thought… why not?” she recalls. So, on a random Sunday in the early 2000s, she called.

They talked for two hours. By Wednesday, they were meeting up at a mall in Curitiba, Paraná, Brazil. “It was love at first sight,” she says, and it doesn’t sound like an exaggeration. Twenty-one years have gone by. They got married. Had a child. They’ve been together ever since.

Their son’s name is Miguel. It’s for him, and for herself, that Ana, with the courage of someone who has broken down in public before, is now trying to find her place in the world again.

***

Her connection to gaming began long before motherhood. Even before her husband, Leandro. Ana used to play with her sister, her parents, and the whole family together.

“The whole family was addicted. Games brought us together in the living room. When it got late, my sister and I would go to bed, and my parents would stay up all night playing,” she remembers.

Back in the ’90s, her dad – an illustrator – was in charge of drawing maps for Phantasy Star (Sega, 1987), level by level, forest by forest, maze by maze. That memory is still vivid in her mind.

During the interview, Ana gets emotional and tears up just trying to remember the name of a long-lost Master System 3 cartridge.

“I missed it so much! I spent years trying to remember the name of that game. I looked everywhere and never found it. The memory is still so alive. The next day, my parents would tell us everything they had unlocked or achieved.”

Now approaching 40, Ana admits she still loves games but hardly plays. “My dream is to have a decent computer so I can play again,” she confesses.

Her favorite genre? “Silly games,” she says. “I like to relax, you know? Nothing stressful. My Steam profile makes it very clear.” The bio of her steam profile reads: “Yes, I play children’s games!”

Maybe it’s her way of resisting a world that demands too much.

She still treasures her second Game Boy (the first was stolen). She also owned an Atari and a Nintendo 64, alongside the Master System 3. She remembers clearly which titles she had for each console: “I couldn’t afford many games, so I lost count of how many times I replayed the ones I had.”

“Back in the 64 days, I loved Super Mario and Legend of Zelda. On Master System, I played Prince of Persia, Sonic, Super Monaco. Atari was easy… River Raid, Enduro, Pac-Man.”

Leandro’s Super Nintendo is still safely stored away. Every now and then, they still play a match or two. When asked if the vintage console could be sold for a high price, Ana is firm, “Whether it’s worth money or not, we’re not selling it.” The sentimental value means more.

Super Miguel World

The only game Leandro has ever liked and still does is Super Mario World. That’s where the idea came from: Miguel’s first birthday party would be themed after the world’s most famous plumber.

Not a coincidence at all: the boy fell in love with games even before he could speak, around age 3, starting with educational titles. Slowly, without any pressure, games became shelter, language, connection. With the world. With his parents. With himself.

***

“When I stopped the treatment, I got pregnant. My little one was born in 2017,” she says.

When she got pregnant with Miguel, Ana was working at a major telecom company. But just imagining someone else witnessing her son’s first steps while she was away made everything lose its meaning. She asked to quit. And she did.

“I was doing really well there. My pregnancy went smoothly… but during my seven years at the company, I saw many colleagues have babies, go on maternity leave, and return to work. Everything as it’s ‘supposed to be’. When my turn came, I couldn’t get used to the idea of my long-awaited baby spending all day with ‘strangers’ who’d then give me a report at the end of the day: ‘Oh, today he took a step, discovered something new, learned a game … while I was out chasing professional success’,” she explains.

“To me, it just wasn’t a fair trade. So when I came back from maternity leave, I said I wanted to quit. Quit to take care of myself, of him, and to chase my dreams.”

Contrary to what society often preaches, the postpartum period was far from a fairytale. After Miguel was born, he cried nonstop for three months, refusing to be held, and showing no clear signs of what was wrong. His mother ended up submerged in a sea of postpartum depression, resistance to help, and overwhelming guilt.

“I wasn’t sleeping. No one knew why he cried so much… he wouldn’t let anyone hold him. As he got a bit older, he became very selective with food, had intense crying fits… he’d have a meltdown anytime we went somewhere with unfamiliar people. He took a long time to start walking, and he didn’t accept physical contact,” she recalls.

It was a shock. Pure exhaustion. A desperate attempt to understand. No answers. The official diagnosis came only when he was two, after a frustrating journey through doctors’ offices unwilling to confirm what she already knew deep down: “my son is autistic.”

The Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnosis finally came from the most expensive child neurologist in town. With it, a strange sense of relief. Relief in being able to name the chaos. To look back and think: “it wasn’t just in my head. It wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t a failure”.

Even so, Ana still feels guilty for how she handled the early years of motherhood.

“For me, the postpartum period was the worst time of my life. I felt like the worst mother in the world and not just that, I felt like the worst person. That’s why I’m completely against romanticizing motherhood.”

“Picture me, deep in postpartum depression, wanting to disappear off the face of the Earth, going through all of that. I did one of the worst things I could’ve done just to get a little peace… I’d leave him watching cartoons on TV, because it kept him distracted. That’s how he started saying random English words before even learning to speak Portuguese,” Ana explains.

Today, Miguel is 8 years old. He’s a sweet, well-mannered, brilliant child. He talks about astronomy with the vocabulary of a scientist and loves logic games. Among his favorite titles, a pattern emerges: puzzles.

“He’s an absolute sweetheart, polite and super smart. He loves studying English and has a hyperfocus¹ on games and astronomy. He used to be obsessed with human anatomy and physiology too, but that’s faded a bit. His dream is to work at NASA,” says his doting mom.

Like almost every kid his age in 2025, Miguel is also obsessed with the ever-polarizing Roblox. “That’s where he says he has ‘friends’,” Ana points out.

“He also loves Minecraft. He plays on his super tablet. And whenever he gets access to a computer, he enjoys games like Human Fall Flat, Portal… total little nerd. He dreams of having a Nintendo Switch.”

Of course, not everything has to be educational. Miguel also adores games with darker themes: Poppy Playtime, Garten of Banban, Five Nights at Freddy’s, and Bendy and the Ink Machine.

That fascination might just be in his genes. “I’m also drawn to darker themes, and some of my favorite games are Little Nightmares, Rain World, Cult of the Lamb, Limbo, Inside… I love them, love them, love them!” Ana confesses.

They’re dark yet safe worlds, almost like playable metaphors for the restlessness she struggles to say out loud.

Miguel doesn’t have regular access to video games, but that doesn’t stop him from playing. He watches YouTube videos. Lots of them. He knows where to find hidden items, the bugs, the shortcuts, the alternate endings. He watches so much that, when he finally gets a chance to play, it’s like he’s already beaten the game three times.

“He kills it, just from watching other people play so much. It’s fun to watch,” she says, laughing. It’s like he’s been training all along, just waiting for someone to hit Start.

When Ana mentions her son’s love for logic games, there’s a quiet pride in her voice. The same kind of awe she feels remembering the maps her father used to draw during the Phantasy Star days.

Only now, it’s Miguel who draws the maps. And the world – even if digital – finally starts to make sense. For him, games aren’t just entertainment, they’re a language. They’re a safe ground.

“We can see there’s a very positive side to it, too. He learns a lot, his English is great, he has quick thinking and strong logical reasoning.”

***

In the family’s daily life, games have become a shared language. A point of contact. An improvised form of therapy. Miguel plays, and his mother observes. She sees so much of her son in her husband, who also received an “unofficial diagnosis” of autism after being observed by a psychologist who simply said, “I have no doubts.”

“I had my suspicions, because he was very different from everyone else. When the psychologist said it, we just accepted it, it was so clear. But since we don’t have the ‘paperwork,’ he doesn’t present himself as autistic. Especially because, after so many years adapting and trying to be ‘normal,’ it doesn’t really impact his life or come across to others.”

Ana also started looking at herself differently and began to wonder a while ago. A preliminary test showed a “very high likelihood of being on the spectrum.” She wants to investigate further, but money is tight at the moment.

“After that test, I started to question a lot of things, but the cheapest evaluation costs around R$ 1,500. My father has high abilities², and I’m pretty much a copy of him,” she shares.

In fact, “there is an undeniable genetic component in autism,” explains pediatric neurologist José Salomão Schwartzman in an interview with the renowned Brazilian Dr. Drauzio Varella.

Scientific research has increasingly focused on genetic predisposition, and evidence suggests that genetic factors may explain up to 90% of autism spectrum development.

Reset

Ana speaks with passion. And at length. She describes herself as “chatty, all over the place, chaos.” But the moment the conversation shifts to voice (when she has to get on a call instead of typing), her body freezes. Anxiety kicks in. Panic. The fear of crying. The fear of shutting down.

The fear of being seen as “too fragile” for the job market as she searches for a way back into the corporate world after nearly 10 years away. When, in reality, she’s just tired of trying to fit into expectations that never once tried to fit her.

“I keep thinking: how am I supposed to get a job like this? I feel like some kind of wild animal. I go for an interview, a call… I’ll probably start crying halfway through. They’ll just say, ‘please leave’.”

“I don’t even know what weighs more, the gap in my résumé, which I’ve tried to fill every possible way just to be seen, my age, or the outdated experience. There’s no certificate that can cover that hole,” she confides. The hole of having stepped away. Of choosing to care. Of doing what so many romanticize in captions but reject in real life.

With a degree in Marketing and a postgraduate diploma in Business Management, Ana dreams of working in areas related to diversity, inclusion, ESG, and purpose-driven projects. She loves to create, to think about branding and identity, to build presentations, to make things meaningful and colorful.

“I’ve done a bit of everything in this life. I’ve run my own business, had a tattoo studio, sold Swiss chocolate, and worked as a tattoo artist. I had a family-owned semi-jewelry business, where I handled all the marketing. I worked for over 10 years at a multinational as a marketing analyst and project analyst,” she lists, showing the richness of her experience.

She even has her own version of hyperfocus: a dream of working at O Boticário (one of Brazil’s largest beauty conglomerates). “I really admire how they focus on people. It makes your eyes light up, you know? Makes you want to be a part of it.”

Deep down, Ana just wants to be seen. To be heard. “I even told a girl who works there, ‘If I could just talk to someone, just get an interview, I think they’d hire me.’ Because, honestly, if people knew how much love I pour into my work, the passion I have for what I do, the way I go all in… you know?”

Despite her résumé, experience, and drive, still hasn’t been called, not even for an interview.

“I don’t think my résumé is bad, or weak, even with the career gap, which I think I explained really well. But, still, I can’t land an interview. I just don’t know what’s wrong with my résumé,” she admits, “I feel pretty lost.”

***

Today, Ana barely plays video games, but laughs as she admits there’s “a dormant gamer inside me, just waiting for the right moment to wake up.”

“Since I’m not a big fan of mobile games, I don’t spend too much time playing. And the few that run on the computer I have right now are more for distraction, so it ends up being a positive thing,” she explains.

For now, she plays what she can. It helps her unwind. Distracts. Relaxes. Disconnects. But she knows that, with the right adventure, she wouldn’t sleep just to beat the game. “If I had the right hardware, I know I’d push past all limits.”

Sometimes, that’s what care looks like too: care for herself, for her time, for whatever energy is left after taking care of the whole world.

The story of Ana, Leandro and Miguel is a starting point, but it also opens space for us to reflect on the role of video games in contemporary childhood, especially when it comes to neurodivergent kids.

Autism at play

Ana doesn’t play much these days. Miguel plays a lot. But between them, there’s a kind of invisible thread, made of pixels, building blocks, and mental maps. If you pay close attention, you’ll notice: even without a controller in her hands, she’s still playing.

For children on the autism spectrum, like Miguel, the structured and rule-based environment of video games can be particularly beneficial. Games offer a safe space for social interaction, where expectations are explicit and communication can be more direct, reducing social anxiety.

The reward system reinforces positive behavior, and the visual and interactive nature of games can be a powerful channel for learning, adapting to different cognitive styles.

Yes, video games offer a field of possibility for autistic individuals. This isn’t naive optimism, it’s a growing consensus among professionals in health, education, and technology. Games bring joy, expand knowledge, contribute to emotional well-being, and create alternative paths for socialization, especially for children and teens who often experience isolation in the physical world.

Many end up learning English without realizing it. They practice reading, logic, motor skills, and problem-solving. Some games even function as natural blockers for intrusive thoughts. Others help develop cognitive and even physical skills, like the so-called exergames.

Immersion has its value too. Hyperfocus – a common trait among people on the spectrum – finds fertile ground in games, where the overstimulation of real life gives way to predictable rules, clear objectives, and immediate rewards. Some kids literally grow up between stages and quests.

That said, the very element that enchants can also disconnect. Excessive use raises concerns and, in some cases, leads to further isolation. It’s important to set boundaries and ensure screen time doesn’t replace essential experiences, like physical play, in-person connection, or body movement.

Miguel, for instance, sometimes goes overboard. He falls asleep thinking about games. Wakes up talking about them. Ana and Leandro, always attentive, notice when it’s time to gently pull the thread back into the real world.

“We’re very aware of this and try to involve him in other activities. The downside is that when he exceeds his limit and spends too much time on screens, he starts to live inside the game. He dreams he’s in the games, and all his conversations revolve around that. That’s when the alarm goes off for us,” Ana says.

The key lies in balance and, most importantly, in guidance. With the right support, games can be therapeutic tools, educational resources, and even starting points for real friendships.

Ana’s experience, seeing games as a bridge of connection with her autistic son, is far from unique. When played with purpose, ethics, and care, they are more than entertainment, they are opportunity, inclusion, and future.

Ana still dreams of a “decent computer,” of getting a job at O Boticário, and of reentering the professional world. Miguel dreams of working for NASA and getting a Switch. Somewhere in between – between drawings, maps, and difficult levels – they keep playing in their own way.

The console may still be missing. The job. The opening. But it doesn’t matter. Ana and Miguel already know how to play as a team.

The Doors of Misconception

A Hard Day’s Night  

It was a Thursday. The New Friday. The penultimate day of the working week. Not just any working week, either: my first working week earning a paycheck as a trainee lawyer. This was it – where all roads led. All the absurdly-late law library nights with book and pen in the heart of a traditional Red-Brick, Russell Group institution. The reward for such dedication was to be a career of even later nights behind a screen, waiting for something to happen. Those twilight hours would blur their way into early mornings, just as the lines were blurred between work and life. 

But that came later. This first week was the honeymoon period. A soft launch before the rough ride. It was a time for celebration and to reap the rewards of years of academic toil and social sacrifice. Just one day until that Friday feeling… 

It was autumn, but a cold one. The combination of unseasonal weather and a desire to look the part I was playing required a wool overcoat. I lived in the city, only a ten-minute walk from the office. This gave me enough time for a final check of the email inbox to top up a sense of self-importance that couldn’t quite be filled by the resentful looks that I mistook for awe from passersby who’d only ever seen a courtroom from the other side.

My work phone lit my face: one unread email, to the whole Corporate department, from a partner:

“Hi all, 

It seems that someone has taken my coat from the cloakroom. I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding and, whoever you are, you need not ‘Reply All,’ but please do let me know if you have it and make sure that you safely return it tomorrow morning. 

Thank you”

I walked into my apartment where my girlfriend was getting ready for bed. It would soon be rare to see her on the safe side of midnight. I told her of my day at the office and the funny email I’d just received, reading it out in a mocking impression of the partner in question. I distinctly remember saying, “Who’d be stupid enough to take someone else’s coat?” as I was rudely interrupted by the appearance of said partner’s wallet landing heavily on my bed as I emptied “my pockets” like some sort of evidentiary exhibit in a burglary case. 

Revolver 

This was merely one of many baptisms by fire that my legal career had in store. But I recount it because it was my realization that the job I had begun bore very little connection to my legal education. Sure, I could write a thought-provoking, debate-contributing thesis, full of brilliant reasoning and endless ethical arguments while also compliantly-referenced within an inch of its life. Sure, I could produce reams and reams of color-coded revision notes with a matching stack of flashcards tall enough for a makeshift dinner table. Sure, I could regurgitate legislature, academic criticism, and textbook quotes to fill the blank pages of a three-hour exam–

But when it came to understanding the strange etiquette of an office environment – the employee hierarchy; how much small-talk was appropriate in the restrooms; how to distinguish between an “open door policy” and a door that had been slammed in anger; how much procrastination to build into each day to ensure there’d be at least two hours’ work remaining at contracted home time so I could stay late; putting 1,000 numbered pages into lever-arch files while a pin-striped millionaire barked Millennial-hating orders; or to which political faction of the “team” to align myself to maximise career prospects – I was out of my depth.

In this gladiatorial arena, it seemed one needed to arm oneself. And, it seemed, the only weapon with which my enviable university education had sent me into battle was a robotically-high tolerance for alcohol.  

“If you have a law degree you’ll be able to do anything,” they said. “It’ll open a lot of doors for you.” 

(Image courtesy of Tomás Robertson)

Will I? Did it? It opened plenty of doors to rooms I didn’t want to stay in, that’s for sure. It’s now eight years hence and I’m three months into my new career as a writer. Other than a couple of forward-looking organizations that have provided me with an outlet to build my portfolio on a voluntary basis, it’s been nothing but tumbleweeds. 

No employers are interested in my A*s or my Bachelor’s Degree (with Hons), my MSc in Business, my commercial awareness, research skills, forensic attention to detail, managerial and budgeting experience, written and verbal communication, ability to put people at ease, or my unique sense of perspective. What they want is “at least 3 years of employed experience as a writer.” If I can’t get experience until I’ve had a job and I can’t get a job until I’ve had experience, then the doors opened by my fancy degree are revolving ones, at best. 

If I could make legal submissions to the UK job market as it waxes lyrical about “transferable skills,” I’d say that for my seven years in the legal industry I was a writer. 

Every day (and they were many and long), I crafted detailed audience-focused advice notes for sophisticated and unsophisticated clients. I drafted witness statements to High Court specifications. I instructed barristers of the Queen’s (and King’s) Counsel. I wrote articles to promote my firm’s expertise in the market, optimized for SEO clicks before anyone knew what SEO even meant. And, at least once a day, I was fine-tuning my passive-aggression via email whilst defending some historical decision somebody had made but nobody could remember.  

Help! 

Sometimes, in my life’s quest to find The Doors of Perception, I think that the only doors I’ve opened are The Doors Of Misconception and, sometimes, I wish I hadn’t – for those who live in blind ignorance of their own warped sense of reality are often more content. 

I jest, of course. As my wife keeps telling me, it’s still early days for my writing and I’m sure my experience will pay dividends soon. Something will turn up. For all the disappointing actuality in the face of expectation and for all the surprise that nothing is quite as I imagined it would be, if my life has taught me anything thus far (as you might guess from my subheadings), it’s that The Beatles weren’t wrong about much. And if The Beatles have taught me anything, it’s that “there’s nowhere you can be that isn’t where you’re meant to be.”

I’m prepared to trust the process, as exhausting as it may be – at least until my savings run out. 

Where Are You From?

I have been traveling since I was 14, constantly feeling like an outsider. Whenever I catch myself thinking, “Here I am; I belong here,” the inevitable question arises: “Where are you from?” This recurring question has left me feeling stuck, uncertain of where I truly belong.

It’s a strange sensation — feeling torn between places, unsure of where I truly fit in. One can easily drift through life, holding onto the hope that things will eventually improve, but time passes quickly, and I often wonder where my roots have gone.

I was born in the Republic of Moldova and moved to Romania for school, spending seven years there. Afterward, I transitioned to the United Kingdom for university, where I lived for about three years. During this time, I had the opportunity to travel to the United States through a university program. I later returned to Romania before coming back to the UK.

Last year, I spent time in Russia with my parents, and for the first time in a long while, I felt at home. I wasn’t an emigrant or an immigrant — I was right where I was meant to be. I discovered so many beautiful aspects of Russian culture, such as ballet, opera, and cuisine. The language, which I’ve spoken since I was five, resonated deeply within me. I embraced the traditions and the people, and my eyes sparkled with joy as I immersed myself in this world.

Yet, doubts linger. Is this place truly for me? Do I belong here? We often wrestle with the fear of trusting our own feelings and instincts. As my grandfather was Russian, I always felt there was a special connection for me in this country. However, the question remains: “Where are you from?” I often respond jokingly, saying, “I’m a person of the world,” yet inside, I feel like a stranger no matter where I go. 

Somewhere else 

So, how can one know where they truly belong in this vast world? It’s an interesting dynamic when we go abroad for studies or work — we become strangers in a world that doesn’t quite feel like home. I’ve observed how people often believe that life is better elsewhere. They encourage others to venture abroad, to build their own lives and careers. There’s also a natural curiosity about the food, behavior, and lifestyles of different cultures, leading many to conclude that somewhere else is better than their own homeland. 

However, there is no absolute “better” or “worse”; it’s all about how you perceive yourself and whether you’re open to embracing the world around you.

If you find yourself stuck answering the question, “Where are you from?” consider replying, “I’m still figuring it out, still searching for where I belong in this world.”

(Image courtesy of Shing via Unsplash) 

Educated Through Chaos

My name is Tiessouma Pare and this is my education through chaos. 

It all started that October of 2009. I had just joined my first year at the University of Norbert Zongo, located in the north-central part of Burkina Faso, in the Faculty of Economics and Management. At that time, I admit that my university studies were not really easy with all the instability my country was constantly going through. While many classmates were giving up their studies as soon as they started, I chose not to follow them but to move forward and pursue my ambitions. It was a harder route. Or that was me. 

By October 2012, despite the difficulties and obstacles during my studies, I obtained my Bachelor’s in Economic Analysis and Policy. Nobody thought I could manage to.  At last, I made my family proud of me. Everything I had aimed for was not accomplished yet.  I still had one more year of hard work waiting ahead, to complete my studies and move on to the next steps I had dreamt of. 

One year later, I obtained my Master’s in Economic Analysis and Policy. During this period, I started a practical internship ending in Dec 2013 within a financial institution responsible for supporting beneficiaries in obtaining housing. 

Enough school

Following my internship, the Spring of 2014 saw my integration period within Coris Bourse. That financial institution specialized in portfolio management in the stock market of the BRVM, the regional stock exchange. 

It was March 2014, I had  barely joined SOFIOR, a company specializing in consulting on gold trading and mining methods, when my country entered a succession of socio-political crises that unfortunately put me out of work before I could even complete a year of living my dreams.  I was almost depressed, my very being was in absolute turmoil, just as my country was.  Despite the despair that I was going through, I felt I had no other way forward but to find a way to get out of it and pursue my ambitions. I never wanted the chaos within me to succeed. Times were bad, and finding a job seemed impossible. I was desperate but nothing seemed to work.  

After a year there was some hope, some welcoming news. I got an offer from a telecommunications company as a “customer success” representative. Not what I was looking for, but I had no choice then. With no job at hand, I even signed a contract for three months. The customer success job came as a lucky charm, for at the end of the contract I felt  overwhelmed to be offered a different job for another company specializing in consulting on gold trading and mining methods, SCOR Burkina. 

However, coinciding with a succession of sociopolitical crises, thanks to the unrest, I found myself unemployed once again. It was June 2016. It was not even a year since I had started living again, and things seemed to get seriously worse since I was going through a financial impasse. 

Time for a leap abroad 

It was now September 2016, seven years after I had decided not to give in to the sociopolitical unrest. Enough was enough. After being persecuted for legal claims, I decided to leave my land, not easy but I had to live. I traveled to the USA for new adventures, while remaining focused on my goals. There was little to lose in the mess of Burkina Faso.

In February 2017, I signed my first contract with Uber to recover financially. Yes, I started in the US as an Uber driver. I did not stop here.  I invested whatever I earned in obtaining certificates — yes — particularly in the humanitarian and technological fields. 

Still pushing through chaos

Five years passed and I decided to start my own company, as I had enough experience in logistics and transportation.  This thrived.  My logistics and transportation firm is still running at a profit. 

In October 2023, I received my credential from World Education Services (WES) in “International Academic Qualification.” 

Back to school starting September 2023,  I am in an apprenticeship with New York’s Cooper Union in Java programming and Android development.  I am now a macroeconomist,  with skills in financial analysis, development economics and sustainable economy. I have also developed skills through many certificates: global health, mediation, and cross-cultural negotiation. 

These skills  boosted a great sense of responsibility, leadership, and communication. I also learned how to be patient, create values, and build rapport. The list is long and flooding my life with learning that never ends. 

Still pushing through chaos, is courage and perseverance ever enough?

Always arm yourself. 

(Image courtesy of Brandi Alexandra via Unsplash) 

Not Playing the Game: The Bitter Cost of My Youthful Resistance

In my 20 plus years of existence, I have learned two important lessons: (1) if you want to succeed, you have to play the game. (2) I am not good at playing the game.

My life started out in the usual way, for a boy from a lower-middle class family in a Pakistani village. I grew up going to the village school and dreaming of joining the army. I never gave too much thought about the purpose of school or an education — I, like many of my classmates, never planned to study past the fifth or sixth grade. 

But fate stepped in when I was accepted to the school run by my father’s employer. This company school was an entirely different world: there were large classrooms and playgrounds — and the language of study was English. For me, that was a major hurdle since I had only been taught in Urdu. 

I was a good student, though. I worked hard, mastered English, and kept progressing in my studies. It wasn’t until I entered fifth grade that I started to question what I was being taught. In Pakistan, students in the fifth and sixth grades already have a firm understanding of politics and the country’s political parties. My loyalty lay with former Prime Minister Imran Khan, who was gaining ground against Pakistan’s two-party system.  

He mostly talked about changing the corrupt system and motivating youngsters to join his struggle. I was very much fascinated by his battle and political moves. This fascination strengthened the rebellious feeling that was taking root inside me.

I started to adopt a policy of applying the knowledge learned from theories and books. When I began this implementation of the knowledge I had learned from books in my practical life, I started to question my teachers for being very different in how they teach and what they do. I was criticized and disciplined. Often that meant I missed classes. 

These punishments didn’t demoralize me; instead they made me stand firmer in my beliefs and committed to raising my voice against the education system in Pakistan. I started to ask teachers questions when their words contradicted their acts.

By this time, I was in eighth grade — a pivotal moment in the Pakistani system — as schooling changes from general education to specialized tracks. 

I was not interested in my choices: computer science or biology. I wanted to study the arts but that was not allowed, in part because private schools in Pakistan compete for students. Children’s scores in popular and challenging subjects, like the sciences, are a critical part of attracting parents and new pupils. 

(Image courtesy of Roman Mager via Unsplash) 

I opted for biology, even though I was not interested in it, and passed my eighth grade exams with flying colors. I was poised for success! Except I didn’t agree with the way the school system divided ninth graders according to their exam scores. Basically, the system divides children into two groups: the “average” group — kids who can pass the national exam but are unlikely to get top scores without a lot of tutoring and support — and the “strong” group: the chosen ones the school believes can achieve national ranking scores with enough attention and guidance. 

I protested this division. Even at that age, I understood it was fundamentally unfair to give one group of children more resources when all the kids would benefit from more education. Why should a child’s future be sacrificed so a school can pour its resources into a chosen few?

I refused to follow the rules for exam preparations: I firmly believed — and still believe — scores should be given based on the value of your response, not the formatting or tricks you use to present your answers. As the exam date grew closer, the school coordinator even called my father to plead with him to convince me to follow their rules and get a good score. The message was, in short, the answers don’t matter: exam graders want to see how you format your responses, not the value of your words. 

I was shocked to hear that, and instead of acting upon my coordinator’s advice, I continued my rebellious policy of just writing the answers without proper presentation. I used to say I never studied for marks; I studied to learn and use the knowledge I have learned daily. That was the point of being educated. My teachers, however, believed you can only succeed by being a part of this system. Admissions to prestigious universities and jobs in Pakistan are always given to those who have good grades.

In short, I could not get good grades in 9th and 10th classes and was strictly criticized for not following my teacher’s instructions and for not bribing the exam monitor. So, I could not secure admission to top colleges like my other classmates, who also acted upon their teacher’s advice and compensated the exam monitor.

Once I finished 10th grade, however,  I realized I could still shift from the biological sciences to engineering or computer sciences for 11th and 12th grade, known as college or higher secondary education in Pakistan. So, with no additional preparation, I jumped to engineering. But, unfortunately, my experience there was the same: if I didn’t play the game, I couldn’t get the grades I needed to succeed. 

(Image courtesy of Nathan Dumlao via Unsplash)

I still dreamed of joining the army, so after I graduated, I went to an academy in Lahore to prepare for the military exam. There, retired army personnel coached us on how to behave in interviews and tests. There was a Catch-22, however:  I needed to prepare for the exams, but the military would not accept anyone who prepared because the point of the exams was to assess a potential soldier’s natural abilities and talents. My instructors told me directly to lie to the interviewer and say, when asked, that I had not received any coaching.

But I thought, why should I start my new career by lying? In short, due to my decision to tell the truth, I was shut out of the military and my lifelong dream was crushed. 

Instead, I was admitted to the food science and technology department at university and decided to get my bachelor’s degree in this field so I could continue my education. I did not like the field and did not fully understand which jobs I could get with this specialty. With little guidance and my usual critical eye toward the education system, I struggled to do well and ended up graduating with average grades.

Now, I am sitting in my bedroom writing this story, thinking about my mistakes. I don’t want a master’s degree in my field and, after almost 24 years of life, I finally understand my true calling was not engineering, the military, or biology. My passion is literature and the social sciences: international relations, regional studies, and other similar subjects best fit me. I realized this after every opportunity has gone, and now there are limited chances that I can find a master’s program in any of those fields with my current degree. 

Today, I realize that if I had followed the flow and kept all these rebellious thoughts to myself until the day when I would have had some power to change the typical education process in Pakistan, it would have been a much better way to make amendments and improvements in the society and system.

Instead, however, I just kept resisting, and my resistance as a child and young adult was useless. It deprived me of every opportunity, like attending an excellent, reputable college and studying the subject of my interest and choice. I could not analyze my interests and chose only the fields that were not my cup of tea.

So, in the end, Pakistani schools taught me an important lesson: resistance at the wrong time and age is useless. If you have to change the system, just be a part of the system until the day you reach the stage when your decisions or resistance will matter. We resist at the wrong time, and this ill-timed resistance has wasted many of the talented voices that were intentionally interested in bringing a positive change in the system. Instead, it is too late when we finally realize we have resisted at the wrong moments.

It is my hope that, by reading this, other young people will learn from my mistakes and understand that there is a time for every expression of resistance and every voice to be raised. If you want to change the system, work hard to obtain a position where your words may have some power to bring about the change you desire.

The Magic Of Never Giving Up

I didn’t plan to write this article. 

But the young man I am today is a reflection of all my insecurities from when I was growing up. Reflecting on my primary and secondary school days, many people thought I was weird because I was silent and shy. Losing my mum at a young age and coping with my aggressive stepmom was no less than an adventure I never dreamed of. 

My childhood was full of nightmarish times. I experienced more forms of shame and abuse that you can imagine. You don’t have to be ill or poor to live in hell.

(Photo courtesy of Patrick Tomasso via Unsplash)
(Photo courtesy of Patrick Tomasso via Unsplash)

Schooldays

My days in primary school played a significant role in shaping who I am today. I struggled — my uniform was among the most ragged in the class, torn and dirty. Each day, I was also the last student to reach school, carrying an unbeatable record for tardiness. I didn’t have the prescribed textbooks, as nobody cared to buy them for me. I was growing up on my own. I managed to photocopy my peers’ exercises for the class tests and exams. Taunts did not just come within my family, my classmates also bullied me, calling out a “food beggar.” 

Despite going through traumatic experiences both at home and school, I didn’t give up and held myself strong and determined. 

My focus was my studies. My rank at school was always among the top four students in my class, mostly ranked first, second, or third. 

At a young age, I knew what I wanted, I had set my goal, so I read and read every book I could find. I was among the teachers’ favorites, always obedient and sincere, building good relationships with them. I didn’t get the warmth of family love and the comforts that most of my classmates had, but I barely cared about it and never let it sour me.

While my childhood taught me the importance of humility, it also taught me what it’s like to experience hunger and abandonment. This went a long way in shaping me, and how I interact with others. My troubled childhood made me a more tolerant adult.

Secondary school was better, financially, as I could make some money by copying notes for less serious students. I also became more consistent in taking first positions and that helped me garner free textbooks. After finishing junior secondary (middle school),  I was transferred to a state government public school for my senior secondary education (high school). My class had over 494 students, and I was the youngest or at least one of them. I loved topping the class, but with over 50% of the students being continuing students, it was almost an impossible nut to crack. They understood the syllabus and exam pattern better than I did as an outsider. I was scared but I had to do it, or else get back to my gloomy home and I never wanted that. 

I started my senior secondary first term as the eleventh out of 494 students and then climbed up to seventh position by the second term. Although I topped in my class, that was only among a quarter of the 494 students I aimed to beat. 

(Photo courtesy of Himal Rana via Unsplash)

It was almost a tradition in the school that “ladies always graduated as the best overall” — a girl would always be the topper, and that remained unbeaten for a long time. After attending the graduation ceremony of my senior batch, my determination to top my graduation knew no  boundaries. I did it — I graduated as the best overall and the best-behaved student of my batch. Thus, the tradition changed — a major self-boosting change for me. How did I do it? I ignored the obstacles I faced and went for what I wanted. Was it easy? No. I had to work very hard and be super determined.

Attending my higher institution is another phase of my story, but not much different from my previous stories. Given my finances, I couldn’t get a university admission after graduation. Disheartened but not crushed, I settled for a vocational course, National Diploma. I joined the institution two months into the semester and still managed to top the class in all the semesters.

Respect regardless of status

I sometimes asked myself, am I a guru or a super exceptional student? And the answer was always No. I knew what I wanted and was going to chase it. I’m basically an introvert by nature, but my own nature helped me build good relationships along the way. I helped others whenever I could and respected everyone regardless of status.

Most importantly, I never gave up. There were times when I failed, but instead of dwelling on them, I corrected my mistakes. 

In addition to never giving up, there are certain key lessons that I learned through my experiences …

Sincerity

In a popular saying, “It is better to be trusted than to be loved.” Always keep to your word and be truthful. My sincerity with my words and actions helped me build trust all through my way. 

Humility 

Many people have underrated this very valuable virtue. No matter how independent you are, you still need others, perhaps even the most ‘irrelevant person‘ in the room. One thing I have realized during my journey is that everyone has something to offer. If you neglect anyone because of their status, you neglect the good they come with. 

Emotional intelligence 

You don’t need to take a course to understand emotional intelligence. Listen to your conscience and never rejoice when others are in pain. Then try not to frown when others are rejoicing. Distinguish between your emotions and your work or academics. Don’t let  problems interfere with  progress or else additional problems will pave its way. 

Stand up for yourself and start your engine

You don’t have to be perfect to be great. The president of any country, like my Nigeria, reached greatness in their realm without always being a saintly genius. Sorry. But here they are. Successful people are not necessarily the most hardworking. 

You lose 100% of the chance to succeed on every opportunity you fail to take. No one will penalize you for trying. 

(Photo courtesy of Alexander Grey via Unsplash)

Take advantage of opportunities

There is never a perfect time to get things done. The fact that you are where you are today doesn’t mean you can’t get to where you want to be. No opportunity is bigger than you if you are the driver of your destiny


Concluding thoughts

I remember saying to my younger self that one day I will write about my life experience, and I feel elated anytime I pick up my pen to do so. I know I haven’t gotten to my destination yet, but it doesn’t hurt to get a feel for what the future looks like.