I was born into a middle-class family, and studying at the university is not considered good for a girl. In more conservative rural Pakistan, girls might not get an education past sixth grade, because society says it.
Stupid and aggressive in Fort Abbas
Five hours from Lahore is a small town, Fort Abbas, in the Cholistan desert of Punjab. I was born and grew up in this small town. Opposing the social norms here, grew my biggest dreams of being educated.
But my father is a teacher. He supported me and my sister and did everything to encourage our college admission. Because I wanted to study, my relatives considered me a “stupid and aggressive” girl. They still consider me stupid. When I got admitted to the university, they taunted me every time. Education was not for girls. To be a girl is to aim for marriage and family.
Unfortunately, COVID-19 came, and classes shifted into online mode. Two semesters were completed smoothly at home. During the third semester, my sister and I returned to the hostel near our school, almost a dormitory – so many of them together in one large room.
My Dad was not strong economically. He managed a side business, but due to the virus, it stopped. That fixed passive-income amount which came from his teaching job, it became difficult to manage both our household and our education expenses.
I decided to start a job as a content writer. This was my first experience, and I worked for eight months, during which time I got harassed several times and then I quit the job. After facing personal taunts, I wouldn’t say I like to work on-site, but all my education and hostel expenses were on me now. So, I applied for new jobs but there was no positive response.
Instead, I started my own business as a freelancer with a laptop that I bought from the savings of my previous job. I joined a digital marketing course at my university. After three months, when the course ended, I created my freelancing profile on Fiverr. Four months passed and there were no orders. My profile on Fiverr was automatically blocked.
I was so desperate, I created another profile — things seemed to work now — I started to get “clients”: one was fake, and the other one didn’t pay me. He blocked me after receiving his work. This hit me hard. I went into depression and skipped everything I was supposed to do — or dreamt of doing.
A year passes, but a huge motivation
After a year again, I motivated myself to restart — to come back to work. I created my profile on Upwork, wherein I got four orders. These orders were not big projects, but they gave me a huge boost. I spent all my money on Upwork applying for orders, but I got no more orders.
Now, it was my eighth semester, and the most challenging one for me. Problems seemed to pour in from all directions —both at the university and at home. My Dad got a paralytic attack. It was nearly impossible to see him in that condition, totally bedridden. For the first time, I saw my strong Dad, my Dad who went against the society to educate us, crying.
After a month of struggle and hardship, I got another on-site job, as a proposal writer. It was a great relief for my family — our finances would be handled now. But this job gave me the worst experience ever. I was insulted without any reason. I was warned thrice for no real reason, and at the end of the month, they dismissed me. Maybe because I was a girl.
I was hopeless, and then my mom talked to one of her cousins. He hired me to work remotely. After just 15 days, he handed my job to someone else.
Trading, sales, marketing, challenges
But something else was in store for me. One of my friends gave me the idea of stock trading. I started trading, investing 10,000 Pakistani Rupee (around $35US), and I lost the trade. I ended up as a loser, with not a single penny in hand.
No more savings, very hopeless and jobless. The eighth semester ended, and I managed to graduate, a mathematics graduate now — fortunately, the semester fees were paid in advance. After graduation, I started a job in the sales and marketing department. So far so good, but looking back at all my failures in the past makes me skeptical of my success in the future.
It seems so uncertain. It scares me with the thought of more failures. Coming from the kind of patriarchal society, where women do not go for higher studies, I am still living a dream with my degree and my potential.
You have to marry someone
I know I am a brave girl. No one will come to motivate me and no one will come to support me. No one can hear my heart and no one can heal me. I will do everything for myself and change my lifestyle one day. This is my sole goal in life — I will create success out of many failures.
Now that I am more accomplished on the educational side, I decided to focus not on what people speak of me, but solely on myself.
My family has lent me only two more years to run after and catch my dreams. Given my failures to succeed in this time limit — seems impossible. Else at the end of two years, my destiny will be — marrying someone they choose.
This is my last opportunity to prove my potential. My father went against societal norms by sending his girls into higher education. It is now my turn to make my failures into my steps toward success.
Now, it’s my turn to prove that my father’s sacrifices were well-spent, for him and for me.
