Offboarding

Jasmine’s heart was working a rhythm. It wasn’t quite pounding, but she could feel the flush in her face, the warmth flooding her body. It was all so cool in her mind’s eye. The delivery of the information, the breakdown of the facts, her clinical assessment of matters, all coming off like a Swiss watch. Her rucksack sat up against the table leg to her left. She found herself adjusting its position three times before the HR manager arrived. What exactly she was adjusting she couldn’t say.

Jasmine was keenly aware of her presence and perception in the workplace: quiet, in the corner, coder, unnoticeable. She wasn’t even a coder but a junior developer. As a techie in a department of a big bank, she accepted and understood her furniture-level importance to the grand operation she found herself in. She liked the job. It didn’t set her heart on fire, but the scale of it, the money and the prestige of working for an internationally recognized bank wasn’t something she took lightly. Looking round the glossy, clean off-white interview room, a bubble of anxiety rose within her.

Her mum’s face came to mind. Mum, prouder than proud the day she told her she got this job. Rarely one to openly express a beaming warmth and celebration on Jasmine’s success, she was clearly quite chuffed with this one. It was the name, it was the status of the bank. It was being able to tell her friends at the hairdresser “My daughter works for…” Yet this was her exit interview. Just some 8 months in. She didn’t really have a story to tell her Mum. She doubted she’d understand. Neither did she have a cogent plan of what would come next. Jasmine sucked in her cheeks and pursed her lips. What was just moments away scared her.

The doubt was porous. Forget being hot and uncomfortable, she felt foolish. Had she watched too many movies? This was the right thing to do… but was it the right decision for her? Jasmine looked up at the analogue clock on the wall ahead, just a minute till the appointment, when she heard a middle-aged brogue on the other side of the door. A dull clink signaled the lowering of the door handle. Malcolm Graves entered.

***

It was a breezy work day for Malcolm, sans kerfuffle or boondoggles. The weekend was just round the corner, and he had his weekly squash game planned for 7 p.m. Margaret had booked a trip to the Lake District for the weekend, and he’d merrily scheduled annual leave for the second half of Friday and the whole of Monday. Coffee in hand and paperwork under his arm, Malcolm was enjoying the pleasant frequency of not feeling too high or too low; he remained somewhere in the middle, trouble free.

The HR department had been gifted a lighter load in recent months. There were the usual unpleasant incidents involving abusive customers from the ground floors but nothing out of the ordinary. The email inbox was not inundated, and the implementation (and creation) of new policy had slowed compared to the heady days of some 5-6 years ago. Malcolm, in truth, had never met Jasmine. He had the name on file but didn’t recall it upon being assigned the exit interview. When he looked at the job description, he couldn’t tell you exactly what Jasmine did and well, with her being a techie, he entered the room with no qualms.

“Jasmine,” Malcolm briskly stated on entrance.

“Hel—“

In a flurry of nerves, Jasmine nearly tipped the interview table upon standing to greet him.

“Oh, careful there. That desperate to leave us, are you?” Malcolm gently ribbed, reaching a hand out to shake Jasmine’s.

Jasmine let out a nervous chuckle before gripping Malcolm’s hand, only making the briefest of eye contact. Malcolm could feel the anxiety radiating off of Jasmine, and he had to resist the impulse to wipe his own hand down; Jasmine’s was wet with sweat.

“Dear God,” he heard his inner monologue proclaim.

“These IT guys really do struggle with human interaction.”

He maintained his warm, off-handed, yet smiley demeanor. He guessed Jasmine was, at most, in her early 30s. Large glassy eyes were exaggerated in rimless glasses, and she was soft-voiced and quite clearly nervous. Malcolm was endeared at the thought of this young woman being deeply engrossed by a small, flickering laptop on a desk in front of her somewhere. Once they were both seated, Malcolm leapt into the standard procedural rhythm.

“Name?”

“Jasmine Thompson.”

“Position?”

“Junior Developer.”

“Department?”

“IT & Digital.”

“Manager?”

“Sharon Coates.”

“Start date?”

“It was err… I think, yeah, um, February 17th.”

“And leave date… is… today.” Malcolm reeled off mechanically, as he filled in the form. He looked up at Jasmine. Her face was beginning to glisten and seemed stuck in uneasy blankness.

“So Jasmine, would you like to tell me what your reasons for leaving are?” Malcolm asked, attempting the friendliest tone he could muster.

Jasmine looked down to her left and didn’t answer. Malcolm sat in silence for all of 10 seconds before it became untenable. He implored as delicately as possible.

“Look. Jasmine. If there’s something you feel HR ought to know, then now is the time to say something.”

Jasmine heaved in a large breath and gave Malcolm a brief pocket of eye contact before returning to looking at the floor. Malcolm hadn’t encountered this kind of shutdown before; he was beginning to feel an uneasy sense of gravity. He probed further, conducting his voice in a near whisper,

“… if this has anything to do with why you’re leaving, it is important that we know.”

Jasmine gave an uneasy look. She then reluctantly reached into her rucksack and pulled out a beige folder of printouts. She put them on the table silently. Malcolm glanced at the folder, then at Jasmine before picking it up to examine. Inside, he saw a log of some sort, a spreadsheet.

“Can you help me out here Jasmine? What am I looking at? Outside of what looks like some sizable transactions…”

“It’s um, it’s, from a system I’ve been working on in my pipeline.”

“… go on.”

“This is a log of the cache for AML.”

“In plain English, please, Jasmine.”

“On the left are the client numbers from the identification portal. The middle is the transaction names, and then the dates, then the transaction type, sums.”

“Right.”

“Then the column on the far right is whether transactions have been flagged.”

“Flagged? In regards to anti-money laundering?”

Jasmine nodded and leaned forward.

“Turn to page 12 and after.”

Malcolm did so. He scanned it up and down, then the next page, then the next and the one after. Jasmine cleared her throat and stated,

“It’s the same clients, same transactions, same types, but they’re no longer getting flagged.”

Malcolm sat back and studied the papers, line by line, taking his time. He glanced up at Jasmine. In return, Jasmine looked everywhere but at Malcolm. She took a deep gulp of air and told Malcolm the truth,

“That warning system is mine, under my access, exclusively; I’m the only person in tech who could remove or alter a transaction’s flagged status.”

“And you didn’t do this?” Malcolm asked unblinking.

Jasmine shook her head. The burst of silence between them was heavy. Malcolm continued to look down at the paper.

“… then… who could?”

Jasmine’s eyes held Malcolm’s. She raised her right hand from the table and from chest height made a gesture pointing up.

Malcolm looked at the paper again. He found himself in the very well of discomfort Jasmine was stewing in. Malcolm paused. He skimmed through the last pages once more. He looked at the sums and how many. These were huge amounts of money.

“Jasmine, how much of this have you—“

A dull thud hit the table, rupturing the stilted atmosphere. A huge pile of folders lay between them, spilling across the table, covering its entire surface. Jasmine zipped up her rucksack. Her voice shaking, eyes wide, she pleaded,

“You can’t tell anyone this came from me. Please– I just wanna get out of here.”

Maggie Mascot

It wasn’t that she was the best; there were smarter workers. There were more articulate speakers, those with more connections, and those more “in.” There were certainly those who’d been at the company longer — but nobody gave more.

She could feel it, she knew it; people wanted her around. They desired her energy and forthrightness. She was wanted on the team and on their side in a proverbial playground scrap. They were always grateful for her input. She was forever cheerily met and greeted. Maggie (“Maggs”) was essential.

She was also the mascot, well, that’s how it could feel. That was the other side of it. She tried to keep her mind clear of such formulations of thought. She didn’t really like thinking about it. How petty it seemed, and, when she really stared at it, ugly.

The thankless tasks of spreadsheets, reports, social and messaging platform accounts; all organized when unasked for. Yet approaching her mid-thirties, Maggie was beginning to feel a discomfort at automatically going the extra mile.

“Still look 24 babes,” was a continual refrain coming her way. Maggie didn’t need telling this — she was quite aware. Like many a woman, superficial evaluation had lost a degree of thrill at the turn of 30. Hearing it from desired parties was always welcome, but the more important matters of status and being paid one’s worth held greater appeal.

She liked her little motor, resigned to the scruffy handbag on wheels it was. Loved a drive, her playlist blaring, charging down the road ahead, feeling unfiltered, unlimited, and… behind?  It was old. It didn’t reflect her. The age, the miles, and condition — this car spoke of settling. Maggie wasn’t ready, had no plans, and didn’t deserve to settle.

Maggie parked up some 20 minutes early. A timekeeping extraordinaire, well, certainly compared to many of the men in her office. She opened the tin of Cavendish & Harvey fruit drops found in her side glove compartment. There was a cherry flavored one left and a little celebratory “Yes” left her in a whisper. She didn’t fancy facing the panel with a Halloween purple or sickly yellow tongue for distraction.

Opening up her printed, bullet-pointed, and line-itemed interview documents, Maggie could hardly focus. It wasn’t so much butterflies, but… disinterest. Muttering the sentences in double time under her breath, she didn’t need this prep: she knew it. She’d known it for the better part of a fortnight. As an actor would say, she was “off-book.”

Her eyes gazed across the car park filled with cars and devoid of people. A brief pocket of dissociation. Her body numb, her mind temporarily blank. When she came to, she could feel a dull edge of disquiet and angst. Maggie had been here before.

The Deputy Regional Manager position opened up four years ago and she’d applied. All the colleagues who knew were rooting for her. She tried to remember if she’d parked in the same spot; it felt like the same spot. At the time, it came down to Maggie and one other, Bill Rutherford; a longtime stalwart of Kenson Logistics.

A near waddling turret of self-appreciation guided by a gift of the gab, Bill was a known voice and face able to make the panel laugh with easy familiarity. Maggie was the good girl, checking every box with a hard dose of earnestness and a light sprinkling of concern for others’ sensibilities. Bill Rutherford got the job. Maggie went back to Gillingham to tell expectant parties she’d fallen short.

Four years ago was rough. Retelling the same story to different people over and over, receiving the same messages of sympathy was… frankly aggravating. She reflected that her approach hadn’t necessarily belied the truth; that communicating her capacity wasn’t the best way to advertise it. Perhaps checking boxes wasn’t the way.

Maggie felt she’d lost a great opportunity to someone with less to offer than her, on merits that had little to do with the job description. She was privately downcast for the next month. The extra mile didn’t go far up against cronyism. The mascot remained firmly in her place.

***

Entering the conference room where the panel sat was fine, flat even. There was a surreal, familiar numbness to this. The panel hadn’t aged a day and even appeared to be dressed exactly the  same as they were four years ago, a disquieting exercise in time warp.

The same conference room fronted the same table in the same position and layout. All was déjà vu in every last inconsequential detail; the laminated printouts, the order of the glasses, and their unopened complimentary bottles of water. Maggie sat in what very much appeared the same style of chair. It had been four years of standstill; nothing had changed at all.

Her hearing left her within seconds of the interview starting. Was this the interview? Was it an alternative timeline? It felt like a dress rehearsal for the interview. Another “not quite” experience as she found here not all that long ago. Maggie Mascot went through the motions; she couldn’t hear herself talking or her responses to any of the questions.

It was as if she had some third-person perspective of the interview over her own right shoulder. The expressions, timely nods, and notetaking of the panel felt like reruns. Observer and participant, her mind drifted. There was just one out, one potential that sat in the farthest corner of her consciousness.

Laura had never caused Maggie trouble. There was never any unspoken friction. It was more like they operated on different frequencies and vibrations despite working in the same office. They were always friendly and warm, but they weren’t close.

Laura had girls in the office she would share with and chat to; Maggie wasn’t one of them. It was the same the other way round. Though curiously, they did manage to share some confidants vicariously. Ultimately, they were different people who garnered different responses and reactions to those around them.

Maggie was indispensable, reliable, trustworthy… Mascot. Laura was… prestigious, for want of better words. An Oxbridge graduate, Laura came from money. Not generational wealth, per se, but “dad did well” kind of money. Her holidays and social media accounting of them were like visual brochures. Laura seemed a closeted influencer.  

Elf-like, porcelain and glossy, Laura had eyes like planets. The men around the office always found a particularly playful or attentive energy when interacting with her, irrespective of how bad a day they were having. She also managed to maintain one of those waists that suggest no internal organs live there. Laura was a cut above, and not just of Maggie.

Through her confidants, Maggie gleaned only a little on Laura, as she wasn’t really one to ask. One of the few slivers she gathered was of a budding workplace romance. Legitimate, mature, adult, not bedhopping or drunken and lusty. Laura was around 10 or so weeks into seeing the junior accounts manager Jack.

They looked pretty picture perfect when lined up together in one’s mind’s eye. Maggie didn’t feel one way or another about it. Jack was nice enough and cute but she had no particular interest in him. The nascent couple hadn’t, however, run their relationship past HR.

When the interview was near conclusion, just as four years ago, Maggie was asked to say a few words about the other internal candidate. The questioning began. Would she have a problem working for this person as her superior should they get the role? Then, the customary and standard kind words.

Maggie came alive all of sudden. She went from dipping in and out of dissociation to being beamingly, near painfully, present. A few words… on Laura Talbot… and what she brought to the Gillingham office.

In a semi ad-lib, Maggie spoke warmly of Laura and her presence. She also, right at the last moment, managed to express how pleasant and refreshing it was to see a workplace romance flourishing in this HR-heavy day and age.

The panel somewhat froze, all four members rather stiffened. The air changed and the faces lost a softness to them. The only woman on the panel asked Maggie to continue with a simple, “Oh?”

And the rest is history. Sure, a “good girl” wouldn’t have done it. Absolutely, her face felt flush as she said the words. Was it out of character? Maybe a little. Was it what she wanted to do? Not so much. Was her drive back to Gillingham conducted in eerie quiet? You bet ya.

Yet, at the end of the following week, Kenson Logistics had a new Deputy Regional Manager, and Maggie was “Mascot” no more.