Running My Self Criticism Into the Ground

A fun fact about me: I hate running! I have always walked briskly and hiked a lot. Running was not a priority for me because I was always paralyzed by the fear of injury. I was also self-conscious about looking like a lame fat guy, new to running and doing it all wrong.  (Working on letting go of my toxic vanity might be a different journey altogether.)

I am overweight, and I am only just recovering from a fatty liver episode. In addition, my family has a history of diabetes. Maybe running is meant to be a remedy for me, but I just don’t enjoy doing it, particularly outside.

That all changed one day with an accidental discovery I want to call a “Low-Stakes Eureka Moment.”

My discovery didn’t happen in a gym or under the guidance of a trainer. It happened in the quiet, shaded concrete of a stadium concourse.

Though it was evening and the tropical heat was cooling down, I still struggled to bear my first hurdle: the humidity. But while I was at the stadium, I started doing something that felt almost too simple to be effective: I stretched for a minute, then ran in place for thirty seconds, followed by a minute of brisk walking. I was so glad to have stretched because the discomfort in my calves could have developed into a cramp if I had not taken great pains to warm up. (Did I mention I also hate warming up?)

I felt a bit self-conscious at first — wouldn’t people think it’s weird to run in place at a stadium meant for actual running? But as I repeated the cycle, I realized I had accidentally stumbled into my own version of high-intensity interval training (HIIT).

I have been improving slowly in the past three weeks since I started doing my variation of a HIIT workout. Here is the result so far: I am now able to sustain a sprint for one minute and jog for a full ten. By giving myself permission to start with what I thought was a “half-assed” routine in a stadium hallway, I actually began running and jogging the real way.  I am working on getting my strength back up too, but am taking it one day at a time. 

For someone who has not exercised in years, the excuses I piled on felt like they were all melting away. Having lived in Japan for a time, I became accustomed to a diet that was balanced in ingredients and portions. After returning to Brunei, I went back to consuming our national cuisine — one that can only be described as overindulgent, with its dishes usually high in cholesterol and sugar. Add this to the fact that I could eat my mum’s cooking again, my health had begun to take a downturn and I developed fatty liver disease. But by improving my specific diet, plus learning to exercise in a way that works for me, my energy has been restored and my health has improved.

Overcoming my fear of running began with a clumsy attempt, but as I reflect on my progress, who has not ever had to learn something first without looking foolish? It’s the same thing with learning other things like languages, baking, and cooking for yourself. Beginning humbly is how we finish like a master.

So readers, do any of you have a similar journey, and do you think running in place is good for you? Do comment or write to us to share your stories of personal discovery!