The Answer Is No

I was never a big New Year’s resolution kind of guy. I’m not sure if this is because I’m not very superstitious, if I’m just non-conforming, or if I’m simply able to stick to a goal. I’m not trying to toot my own horn and say I am the most disciplined person in existence, but typically if I really want to do something, I don’t resolve to, I just do it. 

When I decided to go back to college I didn’t deliberate for months on end if it would be worth it. I barely did any research into the path this decision would take me on. I made a decision, and the next day began filling out my application forms (I was lucky that it was the enrollment period). 

Not making New Year’s resolutions was working for me. Until it wasn’t. I started noticing a feeling of being taken advantage of too often, both at work and in my personal life. A few years ago was the first time I made a real effort at a New Year’s resolution. My resolution was to say no. 

Just say no

I might be more of a people-pleaser than I’d like to admit, since this resolution took some practice. I didn’t think it would be hard to use at a job I genuinely dislike. But I was surprised at the awkward feelings of guilt that came over me when I would say no. 

Things I said turned down started with covering extra receptionist shifts (I’m not a receptionist, I’m a trainer). I would end up working seven days per week with no overtime when I did this. I stopped handling inventory management, which included ordering, tracking, and stocking the supplies for no extra pay. I realized that doing these tasks would get me nowhere. I was denied raises and promotions without reasonable explanations with the expectation I would keep handling extra duties with nothing but a smile on my face (who wouldn’t love an employee to take complete advantage of?). Looking back, it seems ridiculous, since my training numbers were good enough to keep me employed on their own.

With all things considered, I still felt guilty when I began this resolution. I realized how hard I found it to put myself first. Now that my answer is no, work is less stressful, and I am no longer bothered to pull extra weight that shouldn’t be my problem in the first place. I began drawing hard boundaries on what I found acceptable. It’s almost as if I started being respected. While saying no at work may have seemed difficult, saying no in my personal life would make it seem like a cakewalk.

Saying no to family can be rough. They’re family after all. But sometimes they overstep. 

Just say no to rugs

Don’t get me wrong, if my family needs help with something, I’m there. It’s when there are random jobs every time I go over there to work out, which in the past has been several times per week, that I draw the line. 

No one needs a rug moved every week, and the chair will be fine in its current spot for a couple more days. Saying no to things like this can be weird. They seem simple at first but when they become daily requests, it is more time out of my day, and when there is a commute to consider, time is everything. I prefer to know about these jobs ahead of time so I can plan, and mentally prepare accordingly. Everyone seems to have gotten used to me saying no to the smaller things. It’s nice being able to drop in for a workout and say hello without it being accompanied by a chore. 

My favorite thing

Saying no has gotten easier. It’s my favorite word. Every year I re-up the resolution by trying to set even firmer boundaries. Do I fall back into old people-pleasing habits sometimes? Of course. But I do my best to stay conscious of what I’ve set out to do. Saying no hasn’t negatively affected my life yet, and it is something I plan on continuing. 

Until there is no one left to say no to.