Raincloud

Felicia,
You tell me that I shouldn’t worry, but that’s not your decision.
Every time you text me, you’re distressed from work or family wars,
You put yourself down even more, then assure me that you’re “fine.”
So forgive me for wanting a clearer vision.

I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt to see you so depleted.
Every day, I wonder if there’s something more that I should do,
To solder all this pain in you, but you dissuade my efforts.
And so this endless cycle goes untreated.

You dress yourself in apathy like it’s the only thread that fits.
A hundred other options would be kinder still in form and shape,
But you wear caution like a cape and pull it tightly round you.
You can’t defend yourself with smoke and tricks.

Anytime we plan to meet, you’re full of smiles and bubbles.
I’m reminded of the younger girl who hoped and dreamed of joys,
Who clawed and fought for stupid boys and cared deeply for animals.
And I really think that soul is worth the trouble.

We dated once, an eon past, in schooldays of simple mirth;
When hormones fused and wrested us, as deep a love as youth allowed.
You have another boyfriend now who treats you like an afterthought,
But you cannot believe that’s all you’re worth.

You ask me often how I would feel if you were to disappear.
How is it that you can chuck about these words so easily?
And threaten loss so breezily when I would be destroyed…
To think that you had given in to fear.

Let me take this time to say I love you without discretion.
Not romantically, our lives are dragging us on different paths,
But a part of me is built to last on the foundations that we share.
You are my family, always, without question.

So I will wait until the weather blows this raincloud blue.
It’s futile fitting plasters on this formless mass your hurting takes,
For I’m one man with no more stakes than any other Samaritan.
But rest assured, I’ll never give up on you.