Overwhelm: That Need to Do Too Much

Overwhelm

I’ve been in a slump lately. I haven’t felt particularly down or anything. My social life is as buoyant as it can be. I have a steady job which I enjoy working. I’m lucky enough to have a roof over my head, and my sleep schedule, while shaky, is taking a turn for the better. I’m admittedly a chronic snacker, though the comfort mostly surmounts the shame.

What I really feel is overwhelm. Not burnout or anxiety. Rather, I feel now that, in looking forward to a potential creative career, I will be unable to complete all the many projects that I desire to work on. There’s not enough time. I feel that comes with malaise, especially if, like me, you haven’t settled into a proper routine yet.

It’s ironic that this article has taken me so long to write. The fear of abundant possibilities and wasting time are facets I’ve wanted to talk about for a while. They’re somewhat destructive spirals I have challenged repeatedly in post-university life. I don’t necessarily need to make any choices right now, but the pressure still bubbles, pushing me to commit to something. Often, this disables me from getting anything done, leading to other issues such as procrastination, burnout, low energy and so on.

To confront this overwhelm, I decided to reflect on all the various careers I thought I might inhabit as I was growing up. I hope this allows me to make some sense of the indecisions I now face.

Intercontinental Marble Run Designer

Really, it was rather simple to execute. My role would have involved designing interconnected networks of tunnels and rails all around the globe to transport marbles in and out of countries at a moment’s notice. Never mind the logistics or the actual demand for these contraptions – post-toddler me truly believed it was an occupation of studied importance. My parents never understood the vision.

Rockstar

This was around the time I was first getting into music, so I suppose this role should come with a caveat: Rockstar, who looks like Alice Cooper. I owned five of his albums. The makeup never seemed like much of a stretch to me.

World-Class Chef

Following the first time I tried cheesy pasta, which is literally just pasta… and cheese, I demanded that my Mum make it for me three nights in a row. All thoughts of eggy bread and chicken, and broccoli were flung from the window as I raced to learn how to prepare such a complicated dish. I thought I was set. Turns out, most competent restaurant dishes actually have three ingredients. Sometimes more.

Hole Digger and River Maker

One section of my childhood garden was basically woodland, dominated by a large willow tree as a centrepiece. I discovered the earth underfoot was soft enough to dig into for several feet, which spawned many a weary afternoon with the shovel. I would create trenches and position the hose to run water through them, ruminating on how I could one day terraform the planet while the rest of the garden flooded.

Secondary school came, distracting me with subjects I barely wanted to learn until I was finally able to specialise. Thus began my renaissance of career planning, the Game Designer era.

Coder for Video Games

The “do this and do that” doodah. The minute I jumped into computing lessons, I realised how boring coding could be. This passion faded.

Animator for Video Games

I grew up with Disney and DreamWorks and loved playing video games like Minecraft and Undertale. Sometimes I drew pixel art, sometimes I launched into full-blown Blender modelling. I discovered that animation could be just as boggling as the machine language itself, though pixel art and animated media/games have become the major loves in my adult life. I owe a lot to this period.

Composer for Video Games

Video game music fascinated me, and it still does (my playlist of game music once had over 2,000 downloaded tracks and took over five full days to play through the entire collection). By this point, I’d been transcribing lots of my favourite tracks onto a notation program called MuseScore, but I’d never actually made an original track of my own. Little did I know I ignited a spark and composed half of a video game soundtrack during my second year of university — one of the many things I have lying around, waiting to be finished.

I started to comprehend that each of my passions was creative in nature — marked by desire for visibility, recognition and legacy. With university fast approaching, I had to find a simple solution to fall into, one that I could jump into and start earning from immediately. I know!

YouTuber

The Gen Z-vetted choice! I made the decision overnight — I could avoid going onto further education, I could work from home, and I could become a millionaire in under a year. All my parents had to do was invest £2,000 into professional equipment to assist my dream in coming alive. Naturally, my ego was slammed (thanks Mum) in just one evening — I believe there was an almighty tantrum and one accusation of “you’ve ruined my life” involved, which I’m not exactly proud of. Thankfully, this was a short phase.

Stage Actor

It was bound to happen. I’d been acting all my life, so this just made sense. I took Drama and Theatre Studies at Royal Holloway, University of London. Got involved with student companies and improv societies… I started living for the thrill of performance families. Nothing beats the feeling of acting onstage for me. Sadly, the life of a struggling actor was not something I felt fully committed to, so I decided to specialise in something I could achieve from anywhere.

Screenwriter for Film and TV

Having written some, maybe four or five plays by this point, I knew I had an affinity for writing. My Mum is a copywriter and novelist, so this ran in the blood. I took a punt with my master’s and expanded my portfolio into more structured visual media— screenplays and televised drama.

Flashing forward, I now have two polished screenplays under my belt. I feel more confident with this form of output than ever. Still, I found myself drifting back to playwriting, procrastinating with music composition, designing pixel art, editing videos, acting in odd productions… All the things I thought I’d left behind! And with that, an idea started to blossom.

Game Designer

There it is again! Only this time, I could do everything at once. I had the knowledge to construct engaging narratives. I’d long been polishing my composing abilities. With a minimal approach, I could pump out sprites and game assets in an art style that suited me… and with the help of some enthusiastic Udemy courses, I was miraculously beginning to enjoy coding too! All the elements were in place… but I still couldn’t bring myself to commit fully to this resurgence. Don’t get me wrong, I am going to release a video game one day, but something else is becoming clear.

Kind of Like An Everything Writer

I write short stories every week. I write for The Sentinel. I freelance with chatbots, training AI models. I’m planning a fantasy novel. I run my plays and short films through scratch theatre nights. I submit to competitions and initiatives as often as I can. Every project that drives me, everything I’ve learned, revolves around words. I feel confident working with words. I know that something will present an opportunity if I keep working on and honing myself.   

It’s okay not to have everything figured out. It’s okay to experiment. This can be an intimidating place, especially when the competition for careers is so high, but it’s healthy to be curious and to explore different interests if you have space to do so. 

Repetition is exhausting – invest in yourself. You’re not “unfocused”, you’re versatile. You’re human. One day, the dreams and ambitions you once had may feel like a distant memory when newfound purpose takes your life in directions you might never have imagined.

All that being said, I did visit the “House of Marbles” glass-working museum in Devon recently, and I found it very difficult to leave.