Reminiscing on My First Day of Teaching

There I was teaching live. Even though I majored in English as an undergraduate and as a master’s student, it was difficult for me to imagine myself in front of the classroom. I was notorious for doubting myself. Heck, I still doubt myself today, even if it’s been five years since I started teaching.

Upon earning my Masters in English in Spring 2018 from the University of Hawai’i at Mānoa, I secured a lecturing position there to teach one section of English 100 in the Fall-2018 semester. It was a long shot, becoming a fresh graduate and applying as an adjunct lecturer. Courses were going to be filled based on seniority, as a fresh graduate I was at the bottom of the list- tenured and assistant professors first, doctoral students with funding second, doctoral students without funding third, and graduates last. Luckily, I was able to secure a course to teach. 

I remember stressing out all summer, granted I was overthinking about the lectures I would take, but that was me. I wasn’t sure how I was going to deliver lessons? What should I talk about? How to plan group discussion and activities, the works??? I had signed up for a series of incoming lecturer training sessions. It was really helpful- developing our course syllabus, schedule and major assignments. 

Alt text: Author Jordan Luz stands in front of a chalkboard that reads, “#DONE Thank you, class :)” (Image courtesy of Jordan Luz)

We also had the opportunity to give a demo lecture that involved a lesson plan, group activity and feedback from a volunteer audience; they were but the professors and graduate students from the department. Thanks to my masters’ syllabus teaching pedagogy and materials, it was all there. Also, my writing mentor training and working with fellow doctoral students helped immensely. I was placed in the classrooms and worked closely with the students helping them improve their writing, while also being given the opportunity to deliver sample lessons. This rigorous training led me to my first experience in teaching.

Whatever the training, the first classroom experience was nerve wracking. I knew English 100 by heart: free writing, the writing process, thesis statements, topic sentences, transitions, evaluating sources, everything was printed in my head. I had spent so much time engaging with them during graduate school. My major concern was I might mess these topics up and students may not make sense of what I was explaining. 

I thought about everything worse that could happen on my first day of teaching.

Lucky me, I had a great support system of fellow graduates, some of them also had prior teaching experience. We had a joyful nervousness; we were about to start teaching for the first time.

Array of questions ran across me, “I still look like an undergraduate student, can I teach?” 

“Can the students understand my lessons?”

“What if they don’t even listen to me?”

These were the common sentiments. I felt them more as the semester approached. I remember reaching out to Dr. Sarah Allen, my professor of Composition and Rhetoric. and coordinator of the fresh lecturer training series. I will always be grateful to her. Her words, “just do it. The students don’t know what you don’t know. You’ve been in the classroom. You know how it works. YOU can do this. Be yourself. Be honest with your students. I believe in you” still echoes in my ears.

August 20, 2018. The first day of the Fall semester. I wore a long-sleeve button up shirt with jeans and dress shoes, professional, but comfortable. My partner was in my office, helping me calm down. I even remember pacing in my little office in Kuykendall Hall. I also replayed Dr. Allen’s advice in my mind as I walked up to the fourth floor where my classroom was. 

I made my way to the classroom computer and pulled up the class roster and syllabus. Students slowly started to trickle in, I was nervous, an even mix of locals from Hawai’i and students from the mainland U.S.  

The class started, I was sweating profusely, but was able to find my groove once I started talking. I told my students how I was feeling and, to my surprise, they were 

nervous, college freshmen, after all. A new environment for us. It added to my ease. We would navigate this new environment together. 

The heaviness lifted off my chest once I got back to my office. Going through the syllabus and having the students introduce themselves wasn’t so bad after all. 

I shared my feelings with my partner, Dr. Allen and other first-time lecturers.  It turned out that all my nervousness was completely normal; the first day or the 30th day of teaching. I always reiterate Dr Allen’s words “You can be your own worst critic, but rather than focusing on what you did wrong, try to focus on what you did right, what worked, and build on that moving forward.” 

I’ve been teaching for five years now; I still get nervous before every class. It is perfectly ok to be nervous.